A recent incident I had with a horrible mindset, and what I did to correct it. I also include advice to a friend with five steps to removing negative scripts, self-made conspiracy theories, and limiting beliefs.
The Ideas and Concepts Mastermind (Facebook Group)
SM062 Chasing Your Conspiracies.
Jim Rohn often spoke about taking care of the weeds, tending your garden with care but also defending it from the busy bugs and the weed that threaten growth. This is an ongoing battle.
As I go through this life of self-improvement, sometimes a weed will pop up here and there – and if I’m not careful and fail to uproot the weed before it can grow, it will start to strangle all of the good things I’ve grown. I recently had a great example of this. My mindset wasn’t right, I felt pretty negative inside as I tried to remain positive on the outside. And I still, after all this time, was looking outside of myself, as if something or someone outside of me was the problem, I was looking for someone to blame. I can’t wait to tell you the story in 5 4 3 2 1
Janelle, my wife, asked if she could make me coffee. I was headed out the door to take the kids to school, and then coming right back home to get some work done.
I had the thought, this poisonous thought, that “she was already going to make coffee, so why ask me? She's just doing it to get some credit for something she was already going to do. Like somehow she had to boost an action she was already going to take so that it meant more. So I said, “No, I could make it myself”. Somehow I didn't want her to take extra credit for something that she was already going to do.
This was a manufactured conspiracy based on my mindset. On the drive to school with the kids, I thought about this whole episode. I knew that I was thinking poorly, but I couldn’t quite lay a finger on why or how. Somehow it didn’t feel right to let her take that extra credit.
This is how I changed my mind: I thought about the coffee incident, and asked myself, “How is the best way to take this? What is the least offensive, most inspiring way to take this?”
The answer was this: I did a lot to get the kids ready for school, and I was taking them, and she wanted to do something nice for me. And I rejected that and basically said that I don't want that from you. So far from her doing some offense to me, I really did something that hurt her, and I did it on purpose.
Now, it doesn’t always work. It doesn’t always work itself out so quickly or easily. When I got home, she had made coffee, and I thanked her and said that it’s really, really nice to come home and have some hot coffee waiting for me.
But that question I asked myself, almost accidentally, is going into my repertoire of ways to get out of negative thinking, or conspiracy thinking.
I’ve got a little list for you – I was recently helping a friend get over this very same conspiracy thinking, and I wrote him out a strategy that he could employ in his life to handle these sorts of issues, and negative scripts that he was coming up with regarding his job, family, and life in general. Here’s the list:
1. Make a list of 20 or more things that you like about your job.
Every morning before you go to work, read the list - out loud in front of a mirror if you are able.
2. For Negative script removal - Don’t put limits on yourself. Don’t say “This sets me off, this makes me angry, etc…” get rid of those scripts. People like to use the phrase “push my buttons,” but you can decide to not have any buttons. That’s a decision that you are able to make and stick with. Like with your cat waking you up in the middle of the night, say, “Thank you cat, for waking me up, because I have to use the bathroom anyway.” Leave the life where you say, “It makes me angry when the cat wakes me” and get to the life where it either makes you happy or does not make you angry at least. Reprogram all your scripts in this way. Be positive or just go with the flow.
3. Negative Script Removal - Also say this out loud on the way to work:
“I am 100% responsible for my attitude. I am 100% responsible for my thoughts. I am 100% responsible for my response to any and every situation. Nobody is on their way to save me from this situation. I am 100% responsible for it all.
And I am 100% up to the task, I am 100% capable of achieving all I need,”
REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM. REFUSE TO SEE YOURSELF AS A VICTIM. Others owe you NOTHING. All you want in life is up to you and you alone. Nobody else will do it - they don’t care. And you don’t have to wait to change. You can do this RIGHT NOW.
4. Negative Script Removal
You cannot change what’s out there. You cannot change negative people, the government, the economy, the weather - you simply cannot change it. This is the way things are. To be brilliant, you have to see how things are and be able to say, “that’s how things are.” To have a better world you must change yourself.
Don’t complain. Take on your world as if it is your own to take on. When others aren’t doing their job, if you’re not paying them, it’s not your responsibility to do anything. Just do your job as well as you can, and maybe sometimes their job too. Without complaint. And without apology.
Change your input. Change your responses and reactions to situations.
Don’t blame. Blaming and complaining are exactly the opposite of taking responsibility. “I’d be happier at work if they would just….”
5. Journal, on your phone, in emails to me, what you think makes you angry at work, or which scripts are running in your head when you get angry. It’ll help me gain perspective on which false narratives, made-up hot buttons, and bad scripts you may have but not be able to see. Sometimes we’re too close. It’s just easier for someone else to see outside the situation. And I think writing it down in an email will help calm you down, and you will probably begin to see answers before you ever hit send on the email.
This is a lot to take on, but I have full faith that you can begin this process immediately and have a brighter outlook in minutes and tangible progress in days. Besides the things you love about your job, you may want to consider saying this every day:
I am 100% responsible for all I do in this life. I don’t get angry, I don’t get frustrated. I have a great attitude, keep my thoughts positive, and powerfully stop any negative scripts that begin to run as soon as I recognize them.
I refuse to see myself as a victim. Others owe me nothing. I don’t blame, and I don’t complain. I am an incredibly kind, loving, generous, powerful person and every day I take a tiny step towards getting better - and as life accumulates, I will become all I want to become.
In your journal this week, write down some of your negative thoughts and conspiracy theories, and see if you don’t come up with ways to handle them while you are writing them down. With negative scripts, recognizing them for what they are and calling them out actually dissolves them and weakens them.
Thanks, everyone! I’ll be here every Monday and Thursday until the new season of Firefly comes out.